Our Journey to have a Family...Round Two.

On April 30th, Lee and I headed back out to California for a second round of IVF. We felt so blessed to have had a second chance, especially since when I miscarried, we had no idea that we would be able to do it again.

The second time around, With the knowledge that I had, gave me a different attitude. Last time I was so nervous and stressed out. I didn't know what to expect and I was so overwhelmed. This time it didn't seem as big of a deal. I knew what I was in for and I truly feel that the first attempt was meant to prepare me for the second one.

Even with a different attitude and feeling more prepared, I'll admit that I was still a little nervous to go through that process again. Knowing the physical pain I would be putting myself through with no guarantee a second time was hard to do. It was hard emotionally and mentally too, but I am a stronger person now. Even though I was nervous, I am so thankful I had a second chance.

Because of our first experience, I knew firsthand the odds of it not always working out. I had to stay positive throughout the process though. I kept reminding myself that it's in the Lord's hands, and He knows what is best for me. I hoped that His plan for me included a child and I would have the amazing opportunity to be a Mother.

Everything went smoothly, even better than the first time. I wasn't in as much pain and other than being nauseated here and there, I felt good. I kept telling myself that was a good sign of things to come and continued to stay positive.

This time around they were able to retrieve 20 eggs and 14 of them fertilized. We were excited about that since last time we only had 8. Unfortunately they were unable to freeze any again. The reason being is the fact that with the PCOS that I have been diagnosed with, the eggs are not the best quality, resulting in poor growth. Although we were disappointed by that, we still got 2 good embryos to transfer, so we were thankful to have that.

On May 11th, we had the embryos transferred. They did a blast implant, which means that they wait for the embryos to reach the blastocyst phase and implant on day 5 rather than day 3. Each embryo had an "ICM' which means "intra-cellular Mass." They are more advanced embryos which allows them to be in a more viable state, hopefully giving us better odds. Everything went well. I rested all day and we headed home the following day on the 12th. It was so nice to get back home to see our dogs, and sleep in our own bed! It felt like we were gone for so long and it was nice to have a few extra days off before going back to work.

About a week after the implant, I started to have mild cramping and some spotting. I didn't worry about it at first, but when it went on for a few days, I started to worry. I called my Dr. and the nurse told me not to worry and that it was normal. That is one of the side effects of the progesterone I was on. I still couldn't help but worry since last time I had a miscarriage. All I could do was wait for the day I could take the HCG test.

Over the next few days the spotting got heavier. On Saturday May 22nd, I knew it was all over, before I even had the chance to take a pregnancy test. Lee and I were both so devastated.

We don't know if this will ever happen for us, but we are not ready to give up. We are going to take a break for awhile, and hopefully try again early next year. That way, Lee can focus on school and my body can have a break from everything I have put it through over the course of these 2 procedures. We will continue to have faith that someday this will happen for us. We know the Lord has a plan for us, and we just need to be patient while that plan is put into place. We have been blessed with such wonderful friends and family and we are so thankful for all the love, support, and prayers in our behalf. Our Journey is not over, it's just taking longer than we originally thought.