November 2015
Here we go again. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. This time is different though. Because I don't have to go through the egg retrieval, it's a lot less stressful. We are doing an FET which means frozen embryo transfer, using a donor embryo. This might seem unconventional to some, but for us it's our last chance at having a child. Our own embryos from the last 2 IVF cycles were poor quality. At that time, after it didn't work, I thought that was it for us. But about a year ago I came across this news article about snowflake babies. It was donor embryos from people who had gone through IVF, and had embryos they were not going to use, and they didn't want them to be destroyed. So they would donate them. That peaked my interest, so I started doing research about it. That search brought me to a clinic right here in Pleasant Grove! These embryos were from a donor egg and a donor sperm from people who were not married. They simply donated to help people like me out. I told Lee all about it, and we made an appointment to see the Dr. The Dr. felt that we were good candidates and we were put on the waiting list.
December 2015
I emailed the nurse to follow up, and she replied, telling us they had some embryos available! We had two profiles to choose from. The first had 2 embryos and the second had 4. We choose the profile with 2 embryos. We liked the medical history better on that one. We got all the paperwork done, all the appointments made, the meds ordered, and here we are now, on day one. I'm not looking forward to all the injections and everything I have to do to prepare my body, but I'm willing to do whatever I have to do. I'm not ready to give up on having a child.
January 12th, 2016
The first day of injections. It's a good thing I don't have a fear of needles. These injections go in the hip, so Lee has to do them for me. For the first couple weeks there are only injections twice a week. After that there will be 1, and sometimes 2 every day until I'm 10 weeks pregnant. I would stab myself with needles everyday for the rest of my life if it meant I could become a Mother.
January 29th
It was six years ago today I had a miscarriage from our first round of IVF. It seems like yesterday, and forever ago at the same time. I'm so sad today. I'm 6 years older and trying again to get pregnant. Am I too old to be doing this? I'm worried all of this will be a big waste of time and money...again. I'm trying my best to stay positive. It has to work this time... Right? But what happens if it doesn't? Lord, give me the strength to endure this.
Feb 1st
Transfer day. I don't know what to feel today. I'm nervous, excited, anxious, scared and a whole lot of different emotions all at once. I want this so bad my heart aches. I want to make my husband a father. I want to give a grandchild to my parents. I don't want to let them down....again. I know nobody blames me, but I still take on that guilt. I just pray that this time it works. We have to wait 10 days to take a pregnancy test. These next 10 days will be the longest 10 days of my life.
They had to thaw both embryos, and one didn't survive. That was very disappointing. That was not only our backup if this didn't work, but possibly a second child in a couple more years. One that would be a full genetic sibling. Now we have to get back on the waiting list if we want to do it again. The one they implanted though looked great, so hopefully it sticks.
I'm at home resting. I've got a pillow on my stomach in case the dogs jump up on my lap. It's impossible to make them stay down. I could use their snuggles though. These dogs have filled that void where a child should be.
I'm afraid to move. What if I sneeze, and that breaks the embryo loose? I know that sounds silly, but I'm worried the smallest thing will give us the worst outcome. For the next three days the Dr. has ordered me to rest. They call them the princess days. I'm taking a week. I can't take any chances.
February 8th
Today is our Temple anniversary. We were sealed 13 years ago. I thought today would be good day to be able to give Lee the news he was going to be a dad, so I cheated and took a pregnancy test early. I couldn't wait any longer. I was able to give him the best gift ever... A big fat positive! The level was 42. My first level back in 2010 was only 34 after 10 days, so a 42 on day 7 is such great news! Now That level just needs to keep rising.
February 11
Testing day. My stomach is in knots. Even though I got a positive a few days ago, I'm still so nervous! I'm praying the number is higher. My whole future is depending on this phone call. I don't think I'll be able to focus on anything until I get that call.
The phone call. Here it is... My heart is racing. I'm so scared and excited at the same time to find out. The results are in....I'm pregnant!!!! The level today was 145! Is this for real? Is this actually happening? I just want to shout it from the rooftops! I must calm down though. I can't get too excited for a few weeks to make sure things progress as they should. I miscarried after only 19 days the first time, so I must stay calm and pray that I can hold onto this one. I will go back in a week for another test. That one needs to be over 1,000. It's still a waiting game.
February 16th
I cheated again. I am having such a hard time at this waiting game! I know it's only 2 more days, but I just couldn't wait! My level today was 1506! The doctor wanted it above 1,000 by Thursday, so things are going great!
February 18th
My level today was 2436! I am 5 weeks today and things are going great. I scheduled my first ultrasound appointment for March 1st. I'm so excited about that. It still doesn't feel real, and other than some mild cramping, I have had no symptoms. That ultrasound will definitely make it feel more real. The cramping made me a little nervous, but the nurse says its normal, and that my numbers look awesome. I'm so thankful today.
February 24th
I started bleeding today. I'm devastated. Lee was on his way to the hospital to take me out to lunch when I found out. I had called him a couple times trying to get ahold of him, but he was on his motorcycle. He pulled over and called me back and I told him. All I could do was sit on the curb outside, crying while waiting for him. I called my mom too, and she was just as devastated as I was. I called and left a message for the nurse. As soon as Lee got there I had went in and had my blood drawn so my friend could run a Quant HCG. I had her do one yesterday and the level was 15,786. Today's level actually went up to 22,544. That was good news, but didn't change the fact that I'm still bleeding.
On my way home the nurse called back. She said it could be a subchorionic bleed, which is a gathering of blood between the membranes of the placenta and the uterus. She said to stay on all my meds, to go home and relax, and scheduled an ultrasound for tomorrow, so hopefully that will give us some positive answers.
My parents came over, and Lee and my Dad gave me a blessing. That helped put me at ease, even though I'm still scared.
February 25th
During the night, I woke up and went to the bathroom. The bleeding had stopped. That's a good sign. I can't wait for the ultrasound later today. I pray everything is ok. I can't lose another baby.
We went to the ultrasound and everything looked good! I did have a subchorionic bleed after all. The baby measured right where it's supposed to though, and they saw no sign of a bleed. We were told it could happen again, so I just need to take it easy. I'm so thankful we got to see our little baby and that so far he/she is healthy. Lee and I both cried with relief. My parents were worried too, so they came up and sat in the waiting room. It was so great to have them there and to be able to tell them that everything is ok.
Feb 29th
I'm bleeding again. Now that I know what's causing it, I'm not as concerned as before, but it's still scary. Luckily I have an ultrasound first thing in the morning, so we'll see what they say at that point.
March 1st
Today was another ultrasound. We have a heartbeat people! It was so awesome! Also, they saw no sign of blood, so they think the bleeding is being caused by the progesterone suppositories, and that it's not a subchorionic need after all. That was really great news to hear.
March 8th
Everything looked good on my ultrasound today. The heartbeat is stronger today than it was last week and the baby is growing well. This still doesn't feel real to me.
March 16th
I feeling a little nervous today. I don't know why. I have another ultrasound coming up on Tuesday. Hopefully everything will continue to look good. We are announcing to my family soon, so this next ultrasound will be a good reassurance that everything is fine. I don't know why, but I am nervous to make that announcement. I think it's because I'm just waiting for something bad to happen. With as long and hard as this journey has been, I still can't believe that it's happening, so I'm very guarded with my feelings. I just want to stop worrying and start being happy and excited. That's easier said than done though.
Later in the afternoon, my feelings were validated. I started bleeding again and had some really sharp pains. The pains got worse throughout the evening. I'm going in for an ultrasound tomorrow. Maybe it's nothing, but I have to make sure that's the case. I don't think I'll stop worrying until that baby is in my arms.
March 17th
Well as it turns out, I'm paranoid. The bleeding is from the medications, so still nothing to worry about. The pains are simply growing pains. As the baby grows, ligaments are stretching and that can be painful. The baby looks good with a strong heartbeat. I hope I can stop being paranoid and expecting something bad to happen. This might be my only chance to be pregnant, and I want to enjoy it. I've had no morning sickness and other than being tired I've felt pretty good.
March 24th
I am 10 weeks now and officially off all the meds. Yay! No more injections! I can't tell you how happy that makes me. We also graduated from the fertility clinic and will be seeing a regular OB from here on out.
March 25th
My whole family got together today at a restaurant, to celebrate Easter . I was able to tell everybody that we are having a baby. We gave everyone this card for them to read, and figure out.Everyone was so excited for us and it was really fun to share the news.
March 26th
Lee called his family and we did FaceTime with a couple of them, and also my sister Alison and her family in Ohio. It was so fun to see everyone's reactions, and show them some ultrasound pictures. I love how technology allows us to have these moments with family that is so far away. Now that family and close friends know, we will tell co-workers and make it facebook official in a couple weeks.
Now it's time to start shopping and getting ready for this miracle to come into our lives. I'm excited to find out what we are having, so I can start getting gender specific clothes and planning the nursery!
