I just don't understand

These past few days I have spent a lot of time reflecting on the trial of going through a miscarriage. I'll admit that I am still very disappointed and angry. I still don't understand why this had to happen after all that I had put my body through to try to have a baby. So much time and effort has been wasted and I want to know why. I don't think I will ever have the answer to that question.

It would be different if I were able to get pregnant naturally. I would say that I would simply just try again. I wish it were that easy for me. In order for me to try again, I would have to undergo the whole IVF process all over again, which I would be willing to do if I were in a position to do so.

I know trials throughout our lives are meant to help us grow and to shape us into better, stronger people. I have become stronger with my trials, but this one has seemed to really kick me down, and I'm having a hard time bouncing back. I am struggling with what the lesson to be learned is right now. I know without a doubt that I would make an excellent mother and I can't figure out for the life of me why I cannot have that blessing. I am a good person. I haven't done much wrong in my life. So why is it so impossible for me to become a mother?

Hopefully someday I will have the answer to my questions, but in the mean time, all I can do is continue to have faith and hope that I can find some peace and understanding. I have so many things in my life to be thankful for and I have to focus on those things right now. I have a wonderful husband who loves me unconditionally. A family who has laughed and cried with me, and friends who have supported me. I also have my dogs, who fill that huge void in my life where a child should be. They have been my kids over the years and I am so grateful for them.